Box Office Breakdown! Justice League Limps To First Place! Wonder Is A Miracle At Number Two! Daddy’s Home 2 Drops! And More!

Before he says it, Keith your mom is a moron, she birthed a moron and you probably still live in her basement

My mom will not like that movie. She doesn’t like PORN Susan. Wow. Just, I’m so sad you would think my Mom would like a porno.

Clap… Clap… Clap… Well, well, Well… THE Suddenly Susan got it right. Clarity of thought it good. I’m happy for you susan. I really love reading your articles. I wish you would write more. I wasn’t to see more of your perky and delightful face!

Oh Susan…

I know the years and the ages have put a distance in your heart, but fear not, WANDA is here to make everything better. I have lifted the veil and come out of hiding to help and sooth your aching soul. The universe showed me that you were down and clinging to life, like I once was, and I thought I would send you a good vibe or two.

I can’t stay long, they are watching. You know… THEM. I have in my knapsack a long and curly cord that connects to the outside world but haven’t been well. You see, and even though I know that you know that we all know that knowing is the most important thing, I must say it. I’m better, I was in an assisted coma after falling from a concrete parking structure and knocking me in the head. My dad said, “Maybe that knocked some sense into ya.” but no. I do have a dent in my cranium that I can hold quarters in. like a safe. Oh, a delight.

Susan, I’m hear so you know that alone you are not. Wanda is here and I have been doing dances and singing songs in your honor once again. Can you feel it echoing through the world? Can you hear them chiming through the ages. Oh…

I must tell you, the cabbage gas man came back and wanted me to service him but I did not. I’m strong and I’m woman.

I am now married and my husband wants me to have his babies. I’m not sure that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but of course who wouldn’t want to have a Susan 1 or a Susan 3 running around. I’ve called the plant Susan 2, so that names taken, but you understand.

Yes, my life is full. I water Susan 2 and eat small chocolates that my husband puts out for me. He likes me plump and the dent in my cranium helps with that. I do dance in your honor on the front porch during the day and work up quite a sweat which he like because he likes the musk of a real women when being intimate. I know, you love it too.

I have a new song, just have to share, I know I said I would be brief, and I am, but I miss you. I miss your talks and you whispering sweet nothings to me as we close our eyes and fall gayly to sleep. We are so connected Suddenly Susan. So so connected.

I know what you’re thinking, “Wanda get real, I want my damn song.” Well, okay okay here it is:

“Susan… Susan… Susan… (tree leaves blowing), Rock that land. Rock that world. Rock that land, because Susan’s a-comin’. She’s holding back, she’s not giving in. She’s not you slave. She’s a womaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

It’s Susan! It’s Susan! It’s Susan! She’s A-Comin’ down the block? She’s a-Comin’! Down the street? She’s A-Comin’! In the alley? She’s here! To tear down walls, She’s Here! To build a fence. She’s here! To eat that Stew! She’s Comin!

Why do we love her? No one knows. Why do we need her? No one knows… Why do we touch her? No one knows…

It’s Susan, susan susan… She’s A-comin’!”

I think we have a pop hit on our hands. I just need about 700 pounds and I can record it and play it over and over. Oh…

I know what you’re thinking, “Wanda, that’s like greatness, but calm down before you squirt!”

Sigh, I want to skip gayly though the underbrush with you Susan.

I do miss you, and the warrior godess spirit that lives inside you. You are love. You are joy. May I pet you?

Please tell The minstral to keep singing, the fanboy to stop being so damn hot and the bearded lady to find a new life.

You are food my Suddenly Susan. Food to my stomach. it will be some time before I see you or talk again. But know, my heart is full because of you. And if you need to service men in the stockroom of your office, they enjoy it.

Suddenly, Suddenly Susan, you are a warrior princess and full of love.

yours forever,
Wanda

Is that chick Wanda for real?

Do we all have to write you a song Susan?

Ummm this is nuts