Box Office Breakdown! Solo Sputters To Number One! Deadpool 2 Slices! Overboard Sinks! Avengers Holds! And More!

I was hoping to see this today. Love your recap. You write such witty headlines.

$83 million for Star Wars? Ouch. That’s considered a flop for a Star Wars film.

Boosh, Boosh, Slappa Dilick, Moop, Moop! Dajanga! Fangirl got fumes, running on the low end of the gas. Yep, yep Boopity

Susan, my mother just laughed when I told her Star Wars: The Force Awakens was you recommended viewing. Wow. Original much? Seriously. Time to grease the old noggin eh?

Oh Susan,
Time is short and I must be brief. I was thinking of you and the majestical triumph that is our journey together. I imagined us together in the field of life laughing and skipped gayly though the underbrush. Oh…

You would yell out Wanda, bend down and wiggle your fingers in the air and say, “Hello Wanda.”
I would say, “Susan, Suddenly, Suddenly Susan is here.” You would toss your hair back and let out of loud guffaw with all of your teeth exposed.

I would say, “Don’t be a poop Susan.” And smile coyly. You would smile back and we would play peek-a-boo in the grass, but always seeing each other. The love would radiate through he fields and you would know love.

I would yell, “Hoot, Hoot!” and you would yell, “EEk… EEK!” Like a bird looking for a worm to eat. I would chuckle and we would sing. Oh my, we are special.

You are loved Susan. Everyone loves you, the pinnacle of positivity and light. Oh…

Now, I must tell you before we get wrapped up in our malarchy, no more dances for you. My new friend Enid, who I will never see again because she is moving, just told me that my singing is toxic. I cried for two days, and tried to catch my sadness in a jar to give to her before she left. I told her thing of course at the staff meeting in front of everyone. My boss, Roger didn’t know what to say, so I hid in the closet for two hours.

The company would shut down if I wasn’t here. I can vouch for that.

Is there a man in your life Susan. I have several, and I have to tell you, I am a sexual person. I talked to a spiritual guide, (She says hi by the way, but she said since you and I are sisters in several lifetimes, you knew that) and she told me I have a high sex drive. It makes sense. I like servicing people and don’t mind the elbow work.

I wouldn’t want to go off on a tangent, I know you have a holiday coming up Susan, and I need to tell you. Danger, Suddenly Susan Danger! You’ll be fine if you don’t get naked and run down the field by the lake by a salt mine. If you do those things, you’ll stub your toe. I have foreseen it.

“Hoot, Hoot!” Tee, hee. We are just so amazing together.

Quick update, The lanky one is almost dead, the Frenchman has given up on woman and now has taken a male lover. His billowing chest hair makes him a ripe specimen for it. I bid him well and understood. His lover is an amazing man named Chauncy. I don’t think it will last long. Chauncy is really too good for him. To be frank, anyone who can open up a portal to another dimension using only a sweaty armpit hair isn’t one to stick around. Don’t you agree?

He’ll be playing the field. But I think you lost him for good this time. Alas, like the tide and the sands it’s a good thing. You can be friends and aid each other in your quests. It’s a good thing Susan, and don’t cry. The Lanky one tried to volunteer to let the Frenchman have his way with him by presenting himself naked and bent over, but the frenchman wanted none of it. and I don’t blame him one bit. I said, “Frenchman, you don’t know where that’s been. No, just no.”

I have done three dances for the sexy hot fanboy. I’m trying to talk to him through my mind but I can’t get through. Just say something deep and meaningful to him for me, like “hi.”

I still think the minstrel is evil and possibly working for the dark underlord. Or he’s a good person with angel wings, I can’t tell. The other scruffy one is good for nothing. He’s like a rock. The colorful one… Careful there.

I must go, I can’t write a song for you, only for sexy sexy fanboy. So here is that one. It’s a work in progress, so you might not grasp the subtle nuances. I know you’re slow like that.

Fanboy, is a…. Fanboy is a… Fanboy is a… Sex man, He’s a sex man. Oh wait. Just stop. Sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx man. Yes, he’s a sexxxxxxxxxx man. Where did he go? To sexxxxxxx school. Yes, it’s a school for sex. The minstrel won’t go! He’s too slow! Suddenly Susan is not there, she’s a pear. Ohhhhhhh it’s sexxxxxxxxxxxxx school. And yes, he’s too cool.

I would say it’s an album track but you tell me?

I might be changing my name to Nipsey Pooters. I’m not sure, but I’m leaning.

Toodles and toshes!

The Frenchman seems hot. People are just bending over for him so… Give him my number.