Car Chases & Near Death Experiences AKA How I Got Ethan Hawke To Sign My Dead Poets Society Mini Poster! Autographs! Photos! And Dead Blue Pens!

Today was one of those days, I thought… Eh… I’ll go out, if I get it, I get it, if I don’t, I don’t… Now, I don’t have a lot of days like that honestly, I’m a pretty passionate kinda guy. I love what I love and that’s it.

Ethan Hawke is out and about today, and I thought… Well, I have a Dead Poet’s Society mini poster I would like him to sign but in terms of other memorabilia, I’m set. I already have my Reality Bites one sheet finished. (yes, I have Winona and Joe Don Baker too for that matter and double yes, I am crazy)

Reality Bites cast signed autograph movie poster ethan hawke winona ryder

But I figure… Ethan Hawke isn’t really around a lot and I’ve been on this kick where I’m rewatching these old 1980s films and Explorers was the last movie I watched sooooooooo…

Off I went!

When I arrived there were about 10 people or so including Scotty. Not too bad, but Scotty informed me that Ethan was doing a low key premiere for Before Midnight and might have to rush out… It’s Before Midnight right? This is the third movie where he and Julie Delpy talk and talk and talk… I saw one, that was enough. I mean don’t these two have Facebook? That’s why God made status updates.

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It looked like something was happening… and sure enough there was Ethan leaving… We all yell, and then we see Ethan pointing at us, then he waves… Damn….

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Scotty however is not to be deterred. I didn’t know what a passionate Ethan Hawke fan he was until today!

He yells at me… “Come on, I parked close in case we had to race to the premiere!”

And then the chase was on. Now, can I just say, apparently I drive slow. I didn’t realize it until just recently but now… I know… I drive slow.

We get into Scotty’s car just as Ethan Hawke’s car is leaving. We flip a bitch and do a U-turn in the middle of the side street.

Hold on to your bloomers kids, we going for a ride! Scotty has a Reality Bites Laserdisc that needs to get signed. Don’t fuck with the Reality Bites!

Then we see Ethan Hawke stop the car get out and sign for a few folks in back just as we pull up. I start to get out of the car, just as Ethan Hawke gets back in his car. I’m half in the car, I’m half out of the car and I needed to decide soon what I’m doing, otherwise I would be like Fred Flintstone running with the car cause Scotty was getting to that premiere.

At this point Ethan Hawke is pretty far ahead of us. I’m just clutching my mini poster and hoping that there’s not tall Canadian innards on the road after this mini adventure.

We then hit a red light. Our 1990’s iconic prey escaping into the distance… Like my youth, Ethan Hawke is drifting down the street. Does that stop Scotty nope. We’re on La Brea and Sunset… Scotty does a quick right turn up La Brea. In the back of my head, I’m thinking… This is kinda the wrong way but I guess we can go up the next side street….

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Here is where this scene plays out like a moment from Star Trek Into Darkness, where Kirk is convinced their shuttle can fit into a small crack and Spock is like, oh hell no. Scotty is Kirk and I’m Spock.

Scotty – Move! MOVE PEOPLE MOVE!

Mike – I don’t…

Scotty – If this fucker backs up-

Scotty whips the car into a small crevice a mini scooter couldn’t fit into.

Mike – I-

Scotty – Damn you move!

Mike – Is Ethan Hawke really worth-

(screeching tires sound effect)

Scotty – We fit fine-

Mike – I’m not sure that qualifies as fitting, more like the other cars were afraid you were going to ram them but whatever works.

Suddenly, A woman in a moo moo with a babushka walking a small pixie dog yanked her dog’s leash as the dog flew back and out of Scotty’s fray.

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Now, even though I was hiding behind my boarded mini poster (for some reason I thought that this foam board was extra thick and would protect me from a three ton car) I really admired Scotty’s determination. I don’t think I’ve ever done this so I appreciated all the effort.

After almost barreling down the babushka lady and her little dog too… We got back to Sunset, and I spotted Ethan Hawke’s car! He was two traffic lights ahead of us and now were pacing him. That gives you some idea of how fast we were going.

We whip over into a space across the street as Ethan’s car has to make a left and is stopped at a red light. As luck would have it, I had a quarter and we tossed it into the meter… No need to get a ticket, run people down fine, get a parking ticket and that’s plain el pollo loco! We ran across the street… Ironically in front of Ethan Hawke’s car.

We then spotted DVD Dave who had such illustrious movies for Ethan to sign like Daybreakers, White Fang 2 and Quiz Show.. Because Ethan has an uncredited cameo in Quiz Show and my God it’s just not complete without him. (I kid, I kid…)

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Now when Ethan Hawke pulls into the garage the parking lot attendant and the publicist get into a big fight, there’s yelling, there’s screaming and then these words get tossed out…

“You’re ruining my red carpet!” I wanted her to stomp her foot and say, “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!” but she didn’t… Ah publicists… The irony is, there was no red carpet… It was, as mentioned above… A parking garage… But hey, it’s fine.

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Ethan gets out of his car and we ask him to sign. There are only like 6 of us and Ethan is like, “Yeah, there’s only a few people.” We run over and Ethan Hawke signs away.

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I got him to sign my Dead Poet’s Society mini poster and then held out my Explorers DVD. Ethan saw the DVD and sad, “Oh Explorers.” I told him I just watched it last night and I think he thought I was lying, but it was one of the rare instances when random things didn’t just fly out of my mouth from the deep dark recesses of my brain.

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(case in point, yelling for Michelle Pfeiffer, “I’m from the O.C. and we’re your O.C. fans! Huh? I’m not from the O.C. why would I say that? Why did that come out of my mouth and why would she care?)

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And then finally Ethan Hawke left and it was over. We all walked away, I was glad to be alive, DVD Dave was happy he got two random DVD covers signed for his collection (Daybreakers! YEAH!), and Scotty bitched about the blue pen being streaky. So really, everything turned out pretty normal after all.

Scotty, is probably going to go on and on about proper pen maintenance and I think I’m going to give him a full blog post about how to care and store Sharpies. I will say, if a pen is dead, throw it away, what a dollar? Is it going to kill you?

I’m really glad Ethan Hawke was cool. I haven’t had him sign anything for me in a long long time and even though his signature lost a lot of letters, I’m glad he’s a friendly cool guy. Next time I gotta bring Gattaca… Oh, and the Purge looks pretty cool, I gotta tell ya! Just prime your blue pens people, or Scotty will run your ass over… Dog or no dog!

Until next time kids…

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Comments(5)
  1. Erica May 25, 2013
  2. Nick May 25, 2013
  3. Elisa May 25, 2013
  4. Ace May 25, 2013
  5. Scotty The Music Man May 25, 2013

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