Wow, that’s all I have to say, Wow… Suddenly Susan just wrote in with, and please pardon the language… The Biggest Mutha Fucking Fanboy Fail ever! 9 times…9 TIMES! Yes, she failed 9 times and even one fail she didn’t mention… The fails you may ask are for one of the nicest celebrities ever Hugh Jackman! The missing fail? When Hugh stood around and signed and signed for a Real Steel event at Comic Con! (Is it sad I remember that?)
If you ever got bummed about not getting someone, you have to read this!
Check out Suddenly Susan’s Fanboy Fails after the jump!
Unicorn; white whale; Bigfoot. We all have a nickname for that elusive celebrity. The one we just can’t seem to pin down to get an autograph or photo. If yours is Edward Norton, John C. Reilly, or apparently Molly Ringwald, it’s understandable. I like to file those types of celebrities under “pipe dream”. However, when your stalkee is one of Hollywood’s nicest celebrities, often listed as most fan friendly, it can be quite frustrating. I’m talking about none other than Mr. Hugh Jackman. If I had a nickel for every time some one said, “you haven’t gotten him, he’s so nice,” well, let’s just say I’d have a lot of nickels. If I had a nickel for very time I tried to get him, I’d also have a lot of nickels. My quest for Hugh dates back some years ago and though some details may be hazy, here’s the list of Fan Girl Fails for HJ. Please bear in mind my naiveté and ignorance as I was brand new to the autograph world. I’m still pretty clueless, but at least I have the basics down now
2004 – first attempt for Hugh waiting outside of a talk show appearance. It’s November. It’s uncommonly cold. Along with some of the exiting crowd, me and 5 other women are waiting… and waiting… and waiting. Word is he’s taping another talk segment directly afterwards. The looky-loos and nay sayers leave. Just the 6 of us now. Waiting… and waiting… Finally!! His limo is leaving. We’ve waited almost 4 hours in the cold and there are only 6 of us. He has to stop, right? Wrong. Fan Girl Fail #1!
2006 – a friend has gotten me the address and taping schedule for the Prestige press junket. Another friend who adores Christian Bale comes with me to the hotel. Who likes stalking solo, right? We spend hours outside the taping rooms. We know exactly which room they are in to answer questions, take photos, etc., but it’s no help. Lunch time. Still nothing. The secluded lunch room they are in is inaccessibly. Dang. More hours go by and the press junket is over. How can this be?! We knew exactly where they were, but couldn’t get to them. Crickey, we never even saw them! Fan Girl Fail #2!
2006 – talk show attempt number two goes pretty much the same as number one. Fan Girl Fail #3!
2008 – another talk show attempt. This time I try to get him on the way in and I’m the ONLY one there. I am holding a large photo of Hugh. He has to see me. There’s no way he won’t see me waving it, so he has to stop, right? Wrong. I’m starting to think Hugh has some personal grudge against me. This is ridiculous. Fan Girl Fail #4!
2009 – Hugh is on a roll this year. First he gets named People’s sexiest man alive. Then he hosts the Oscars and gets the best reviews since Bob Hope. Now it’s time for Wolverine to be released. Yet another talk show appearance. This time, however, there are no cars involved and no tinted windows to keep me from getting that signature. I’m taking no chances. I take a half vacation day from work to secure a spot at 12:30pm. Boy it’s hot. I’m 7th in line. Not bad at all. We’re in a single file and things appear orderly. Sometime later, security decides to move us to the other side of the alley. A mad rush ensues. I run with autograph items in hand and make it down. Now I’m 12th in line. Still not bad. Sometime later, security decides to a barricade ACROSS the alley. In the chaos and rush for the front, I get pushed to the far end of the barricade and am two people deep. After 5 hours in the blazing sun, Hugh arrives! He heads right down. It’s madness. I stretch as far as my arm can go and get my magazine over the barricade. Hugh stops at the magazine right next to mine! WTF!? Seventh person here and I get the shaft. God Damn fucking dealers! Sorry. I had to get that out. Still I waited, hopeful he might sign again on the way out, but no such luck. Fan Girl Fail #5!
2008 – I don’t remember the exact date, but sometime this year, Hugh is doing another talk show appearance. Since I’ve gotten the shaft from him 3 times before at the same place, I opt not to go and attend a “Castle” event with Nathan Fillion instead. Hugh is a bon-a-fide star at this point, so if he didn’t stop for one person, he’s not stopping for 40, right? Wrong. He stopped, rolled own and signed his life away. Fan Girl Fail #6!
2009 – Hugh is starring on the N.Y. stage with Craig Daniels in “A Steady Rain”. As fate would have it, my cousin, who lives back in Jersey, is getting married during the play’s run. I ask a friend to come with me to the wedding and we can go see the show on Sunday. She’s totally down. Awesome! I am careful to explain that we WILL be waiting by the stage door afterwards. I purchased tickets and we got some pretty good seats to boot! So, what happens next you ask? Hugh cancels? He gets sick and has his understudy go on instead? They cancel the show’s run? Nope. The friggin’ wedding is called off! Nine years together and engaged for three and they call the whole thing off. You have GOT to be kidding me! Since I hadn’t booked airline tickets yet for the wedding, I sold the play tickets for cost on eBay and called it even. I couldn’t afford to go all the way to the East coast just to see a play. Plus, I would have needed a hotel now too. Sorry Hugh, but if I didn’t fly to N.Y. to see Joel Edgerton on stage in a wife beater, I sure as shit wasn’t doing it for you. Fan Girl Fail #7!
2011 – Another talk show appearance. I get there super early with the intent of getting him on his way inside. Normal arrival time for guests is anywhere from 2:30pm – 3:45pm. I get there at 1:45pm and am told by the 5 people waiting, “you just missed him.” Are you friggin’ kidding me?! Who arrives that early?! What-the-fuck, Hugh?!! Fan Girl Fail #8!
The same talk show, exit time, and here comes Hugh’s ride. He’s hanging out the front passenger window, ready to grab for a pen. A mob scene ensures and 60 plus people rush the car. I squeeze under and push my Wolverine mini poster up to Hugh’s face. He’s using a paint pen someone gave him and it dies. He tries three times to go over my poster and mutters his frustration saying something like, “ugh, this pen”. The moment is gone and so is Hugh. He leaves saying “someone is going to get hurt”. I have an indentation of Hugh’s autograph, but with no ink. Well, I’m getting closer, but it’s still, Fan Girl Fail #9!
2011 – I just realized I lied to you all in my last article. I have been to another movie premiere. It was for Real Steel, but it was quite a different experience. I turned up at 11am for 6pm arrivals and I am on a mission. I met up with another fan/collector and we spend the hours moving from spot to spot, trying to figure out where to stand. It’s at Universal Studios, and I’ve been told there’s never any access here. There’s a double barricade; one along the red carpet and one about 10 feet from that barricade that keeps the fans away. We decide on the one spot that Hugh might be able to walk over to if he wants. It turns out we were right! It was announced soon after that Hugh would be handing out some tickets to the premiere. Sweet! Hugh arrives around 6pm and does some signing and once again, it’s CB to the rescue!
Yup, good ol’ CB sends Hugh my way and when I tell Hugh I plan on seeing his San Francisco show, he moves some photos and posters out of the way so he can sign mine. YAY!!! Finally!! Tenth time is a charm!
I got a pretty full Hugh Jackman too, as opposed to his usual HJ. Then, as if this moment could not get any better, Hugh starts handing out premiere tickets. Talk about getting crushed on the barricade! The madness is over quickly and I’m without a ticket.
Until, I see a pair on the ground on the carpet. Rather than try to nab them with my foot, I tell the security guard there that someone has dropped their tickets. He hands them to me and says, “that’s for being honest.” Seriously? I have my Hugh Jackman autograph, finally, and I now I get to go to the premiere and after party?! Fan Girl Heaven! I took my pal Herman who I had spent the day moving from spot to spot with as my guest. They pulled us away almost immediately and we got to walk down the red carpet behind the stars. Too bad I wasn’t as prepared as the Timothy Green premiere. Seven hours in the hot sun. Not a good look, but what can you do?
CB also got in and we decide to just enjoy the party, the food, and the company and not worry so much about getting autographs. The truck Hugh drove in the movie was there, plus several of the full size robots.
There was a photo booth, boxing games, and Sugar Ray Leonard was floating around! Very cool. I had gotten Kevin Durand’s signature earlier on the red carpet. Even though he always plays a bad guy and a jerk, he’s hyper nice.
I was able to score Dakota Goyo’s signature sometime during the party. I missed out on Evangeline Lilly, but that’s fine. I have no complaints about that evening. Hugh left pretty early and was carrying his daughter around the whole time, plus, if you even looked his way, a team of 20 security guards made an impenetrable circle around him.
I ran into Mayhem from Bully Beatdown and got a photo with him. I love that show! He was super nice too.
The icing on the cake was meeting Holt McCallany. He’s got a résumé a mile long (including Fight Club), but had recently starred in a show called “Lights Out,” that I LOVED, so of course it got cancelled. It filmed on the East Coast too so there was no hope of ever getting him and he was never out and about doing appearances. Here was total random luck!!
Those lower level actors are so hard to get sometimes, but are usually the most grateful for their fans. He listened to me babble on for 10 minutes or so about the show and how it ended. He held my hand the entire time! I got a big hug too. Nice.
So, it took 9 Fan Girl Fails over 7 years before I finally got Hugh Jackman. I guess it worked out for the best. Had I gotten him any of those other times, I would not have gone to the Real Steel premiere, not gotten into the after party, and not met Mayhem and Holt. The lesson learned is, never give up? Hugh Jackman used to hate me? CB rules? Take your pick.