MTF Rant! Real Housewives Of New Jersey Star Melissa Gorga’s New Book Advocates Marital Rape & Not Pooping! Sweetie… Everyone Poops!

I saw this today, and I was appalled… I mean what year is it? Oh year it’s 2013.

Real Housewives of New Jersey star Melissa Gorga wrote… An advice book called Love Italian Style. Apparently she thinks that you need a hot and happy marriage just like she has….

And what exactly does she advocate? Being submissive… Giving your husband exactly what he wants… Don’t have an opinion… And no matter what have dinner ready when he comes home.

Melissa Gorga's new book love italian style

In fact Melissa’s husband Joe, also has a say in how she dresses, where she goes, he won’t let her have a job and has gotten violent when Melissa does something he doesn’t approve of… He even interjects in her self help book! No shit!

There are so many things wrong here, I want to join the National Organization for Women and start a march.

Melissa Gorga and her husband joe family photo rare

He wrote this utter shit… “Men, I know you think your woman isn’t the type who wants to be taken. But trust me, she is. Every girl wants to get her hair pulled once in a while. If your wife says “no,” turn her around, and rip her clothes off. She wants to be dominated.

Women don’t realize how easy men are. Just give us what we want.”

So, I need to understand… If your wife is tired from doing everything you want, cooking you dinner and cleaning your house and maybe just maybe doesn’t want to have sex… You should…. “take her!” What the fuck… Seriously… How did the publisher’s of this piece of shit not stop and say… “hmmm maybe we shouldn’t advocate marital rape?” You think? Anyone? I have no words… Seriously… What the fuck is wrong here?

Melissa Gorga real housewives rare promo photo

Oh… And there’s many many more insane passages from this literary tome… From Melissa…

In the beginning, Joe wanted to have sex every single day, at least once, if not twice or three times…If I didn’t give it to him once a day, he’d get upset.
I can do something that pisses him off on a Monday, but if we had sex on Sunday night, it blows over more easily. But if we haven’t done it for two days and I give him attitude? It could be a huge fight
.”

Yeah, I guess marrying someone who bends to your every whim trying to get a backbone and saying no once in a while would get an abusive piece of shit upset… Sure… I… Really.. Wha… But… She goes on…

Melissa Gorga real housewives rare promo photo

The way I see it, if a wife is a puttana, her husband will never feel the urge to go outside the marriage to actual whores, or strip clubs. He won’t hit on women in bars, or drool over his friend’s girlfriends or the secretary. He’ll rush home to his wife, who makes sure he’ll have a good time (the best time) in the comfort of his own home.”

I have no idea what a “Puttana” is but it seems like that means a wife equates to being a whore for her husband… If you ask me why I hate reality shows… This is why. People like this get a platform (I guess you could say that about bloggers, but at least I think I have an ounce of sanity!)

melissa gorga beach naked husband joe shirtless naked frat boy advocates marital rape whore

And Melissa got taught how to live from Joe…

His style was to make corrections and to teach me from the beginning days of our marriage exactly how he envisioned our life together. Joe always says, “You got to teach someone to walk straight on the knife. If you slip, you’re going to get cut.”

Even if something didn’t bother him that badly, he’d bring it up. He wanted to make sure that I knew, for example, if I ran out to CVS and he came home from work to an empty house, he didn’t like it. He’d call me and say, “I don’t care if you’re out all day long. But I don’t want to come home to an empty house.”

So, if she runs to the CVS she’s in trouble? And this man talking about cutting anyone is seriously fucked up… Really? Come on people.

Joe’s brilliant observation on childcare.

I don’t feed babies, or change the diapers. My father never wiped my ass, and I don’t wipe my babies’ either.”

Way to be a man… Really… You tough, manly man, heaven forbid you change a fucking diaper. That’s not being a man, that’s being a pussy. Lift a fucking finger pussy boy! Sorry… I’m getting even more pissed writing this than when I saw it!

This is my favorite… Seriously… Wait for it…

Girls don’t poop. Me, never have. Never will. It just doesn’t happen. Or, that’s what Joe thinks! We’ve been married for nine years, and he has never once seen or smelled my business. How have I pulled this off? I don’t do it when he’s around or awake. In an emergency, I have my ways of pooping so he won’t hear, smell, or see. It’s a challenge.”

So… you can’t take a poo in your own home?

stinky smelly poo clip art rare

Now… You can’t leave the house to go to CVS when your husband is home, and you can’t poo in your own home… Sooooooooo do you dig a hole in the backyard and poo there? I’m confused… I really need clarification on the pooing because, everyone poos. Sorry, Channing Tatum and Marky Mark poo. Kate Beckinsale and Sandra Bullock they poo… It’s a fact of life, so if Melissa thinks that Joe is under the assumption that she doesn’t poo, either she believes that he doesn’t have the basic knowledge of the human body or that she is an alien.

Everyone-Poops animals pooping pooing

How do you not poo? If you have to train your body to only poo during the day isn’t there an issue at work in your marriage? She literally had to train her bowels! OH MY GOD! Really!?

On The Real Housewives.. No One Can Hear You Poo!

It’s the perfect tag line.

ice cream cone pooping rare Everyone-Poops animals pooping pooing

Is it me, or do you just want to sneak her some Exlax cookies? I mean come on… Next book signing… Exlax cookies… Let’s see if she can hold that shit in!

Quite literally… Hold that shit…

And this ladies and gentlemen… Is on the shelves at your local bookstore.

God fucking help us all.

Until next time kids… Turn off reality TV.

Mike The Fanboy Signature logo

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Comments (1)
  1. Ps September 25, 2013

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