The Bastard Executioner Season 1 Episode 5 Review And Recap! Piss Profit/Proffidwyr Troeth!

After having quite the adventure, Lady Love and Isabel are back in Ventrishire. Lady Love made a bold move in means of saving the Shire, and now she struggles to maintain its validity. Fear not, her loyal maiden/friend Isabel is always there to save her during Code Red. Lady Love tries to figure out a way to carry out her charade. Isabel brings up the obvious solution, but the Baroness is not so willing, “Are you suggesting that I open my fertile field for seed sowing?” Well, that’s one way to describe a one night stand.

Milus has fun with his new servant boy. Not having an ounce of royal blood in him, Milus is well aware that he will never rule a land. So he gets his power trips when he gets his chance wherever or with whomever. The Chamberlain compensate through the expense of poor servants.

Annora finds herself into the market place. Since the woods aren’t the safest place at the moment, I guess she might be trying to hide in plain sight. Moreover, this enables her to be closer to Wilkin and his crew. Speaking of Wilkin, he and Luca bumps into Annora in the market place and she gives Luca a medieval lollipop. While Annora and Wilkin catch up, Jessamy creeps in closer in hopes of catching a few words of their conversation. Annora sees right through her damaged heart. She warns Wilkin about Jessamy since she might just be a quick flick away from going bat shit crazy. I don’t think it takes any special power to see that, but hearing it from Annora validates our own thoughts.

Wilkin and Toran sneak in food and water for Ash, Berber and Calo down in the cell, while the prison guards shift duties. Unfortunately, Milus walks in hoping to use the same guard-free moment for his gain. Milus claims that Barron Pryce is trying to woo the King in hopes of gaining Ventrishire. Apparently, the Baron is sending a precious relic as a gift for King Edward II, and Milus wants Wilkin to destroy it before it reaches Windsor. Even though Toran and Wilkin refused to carry out the deed, Milus sweetens the deal by promising to release Ash, Berber and Calo in return. Unable to resist relieving his friends from further torture, Wilkin gives in and agrees to destroy Baron Pryce’s carriage. Milus notices Toran’s strong hesitation, and warns Wilkin to keep an eye out for him. Wilkin snaps back and caution Milus of his own decisions made under the influence; he is drunk with power.

Lady Love gets a visit from an unpleasant guest. Gaveston visits the castle with his entourage. This could only mean one thing; he wants to call out Lady Love’s bluff. Milus is caught off guard as he hears about her pregnancy for the first time. Immediately Milus knows the game she is playing; if anyone, he knew all too well about Lady Love and Baron Ventris. He offers his help any way possible to pass the “Piss Profit” test.

Even the chapel is not safe from Gaveston. He manages to barge in on Lady Love yet again and confronts her about her deception. He threatens that her lies will land her in pieces in her own land. Lady Love not only holds her ground, but her patience while addressing bitter Frenchman. Even though Lady Love didn’t have a plan to pass the progeny test, she was not about to crack under the massive pressure.

Gaveston gets a double surprise in his chamber. Milus has sent the twins to “loosen his tongue”. Way to get information out. Probably the best interrogation method; however, this might just backfire. The girls were a gift from the King after all. Not too long after we learn the disturbing truth about the twins. They are Gaveston’s half-sisters who are there for his use as he expects his influence to grow in Ventrishire. I guess we could say the twins are “double agents”.

Toran grows wary of the relationships Wilkin is building with all the nobles in Ventrishire. He doesn’t want Wilkin to lose his true self playing the role of Maddox; moreover, lose sight of their true purpose. Wilkin tries to put his doubts at ease, but he fails to provide Toran with complete confidence. Wilkin and Toran set their trap for Baron Pryce’s company and wait for their arrival.

The guards and the carriage finally arrive. It doesn’t take much for Wilkin and Toran to unarm and kill the entire party. They set fire to the carriage and just when they thought they were through with their dirty deed, Wilkin and Toran hear people inside the carriage. Oh No! The carriage was expected to carry the King’s gift and nothing or no one else. Wilkin breaks down the doors to find two people inside. Even though they tried to save the lady, she died instantly of severe burns. The burnt lady turns out to be the ill Baroness, Pryce’s wife. Dam Milus! He got rid of the second obstacle. Now the road is all clear for Baron Pryce to come in and sweep Lady Love and her Shire.

Livid by the deception, Wilkin storms in and beat the living snot out of Milus. The servant boy runs in on time to break the fight. Milus send off the guards claiming it was just a “friendly” battle. The servant boy helps Milus on to his chair and was about to nurse his wounds, but the twins rush in and shoo him off. I guess he will never stand a chance around them. After he leaves, the twins notify Milus that Gaveston’s true interest is on him and requests Milus’s presence in his chambers later that afternoon. Milus definitely takes it as compliment. This will be interesting.

Lady Love bumps into Wilkin in the royal gardens. They both need a proper cool off session after all that heat they are in. Even though the matters weighing their minds might be different, their troubled paths keep crossing each other. Wilkin uses this chance to bring up his imprisoned friends. Having no knowledge of their current status, she agrees to release them without hesitation. Bruised up by the previous fight, Wilkin bids his goodbyes to meet Annora to patch himself up. Intrigued by the healer, Lady Love requests a meeting with Annora in hopes of getting council for her sticky situation. Wilkin is more than happy to help her and avoid prying, respecting her privacy; “It is a day full of harsh rubbings”

Speaking of harsh rubbings, Milus meets with Gaveston. He complements Milus on his success up the ranks from a very poor Beginning. Milus is very proud of his accomplishments. After complementing, Gaveston builds common ground between them; making Milus feel welcomed and equal. He finally gets to the point; Gaveston attempts to dig dirt about Lady Love. He inquires about her infertility. Milus wants to save the Shire just as much as the Baroness. He gives Gaveston nothing to prove the rumors; Milus stands behind Lady Love.

In return, Milus questions Gaveston’s interest in Ventrishire. His answer did not quite surprise Milus; “My tongue seems to loosen when my cock rests in a handsome mouth.” Gaveston asks Milus to get on his knees. Just when Milus was about to “perform his duties”, Gaveston stops and pushes him away; “Do you honestly think that I would let dirt-born lips touch a rod that only know beautiful things” Wow! This diabolical creature is nothing less than evil. Gaveston built Milus’s ego just to tear him down. He feeds off on people’s misery and humiliation. Milus takes the abuse without a word and walks away. Unfortunately, all the restrained fury was directed towards the poor servant boy; hard to say if he even survived the ruthless beating.

At the beach, Lady Love has second thoughts about meeting Annora, but Wilkin eases her doubts. After introducing her, Wilkin walks away. Annora’s calm aura and kindness comforts her. Lady Love instantly breaks down in tears. Annora is more than a healer; she is a therapist who deals with the woes of the heart as well. Lady Love trusts Annora and feels comfortable enough to seek a remedy for her current situation.

Meanwhile, Wilkin chills on a rock. He gets lost in his thought pretty much every time he gets a moment to himself. This comes as no surprise; he sees Petra coming out of the ocean. She asks him to follow her down a hole claiming this is where he belongs and this is what he needs. Petra strips down and cave dives into the massive void. So glad Wilkin didn’t jump right after her, but her hand reaches out to take him with her. The hand ends up belonging to the burnt Lady Pryce. Yikes! This is definitely his conscious. He is trying to punish himself for the ugly deed. Lady Love wakes him up right on time. Annora senses his troubled soul. She holds Wilkin’s hand and then Lady Love’s hands. For a minute it looks like a wedding ceremony. Annora definitely feels the sparks between them.

The next morning, Lady Love walks around with a pee pot, waiting for Isabell’s arrival. Finally, Isabel enters the room clearly shaken up by the eccentric cave couple, Annora and the Dark Mute. Impatient Gaveston bangs on the door. Lady Love sends Isabel to keep him occupied while she adds Annora’s powder and the pregnant wolf pee in to the pot. The Profit carries out the progeny tests using blood, nails, and a phallic bone of a goat.

After a painful wait, the results of the progeny tests come out positive; Lady Love is pregnant. YAY! Milus knows this can’t be true, but is surely shocked and impressed by her. I guess now he knows how far she’ll go to save the Shire. I think we saw a glimmer of admiration in Milus’s eyes. Obviously, this infuriates Gaveston. I’m sure this won’t be the last time we’ll be seeing him in Ventrishire.

Carrying a much lighter heart, Lady Love meets Wilkin in the chapel to deliver the release papers for his imprisoned friends. He leaves right away to free them. Lady Love calls him, and Wilkin’s response “Yes My Love” leads to something we all knew was inevitable. She holds his hands and admits to enjoying his company and that she has no desire to grow apart. If I’m not mistaken, they just felt the spark Annora felt the night before.

The hand holding turns in to a long lasting hug. After all the misfortune, they’ve both needed a hug; I guess they finally got it. Toran walks in on them and that pretty much verify his doubts about Wilkin getting familiar with the nobles. He walks away hurt by the display. Things really get worse when Jessamy walks in right after and sees Wilkin embracing Lady Love. This might be that flick that could unleash the crazy right beneath her skin. Jessamy sure looks mousy, but we shouldn’t underestimate her.

So…..I’m sure we are all wondering the same thing; will Wilkin be her baby daddy?
Until next week, hold on to your heads!