Box Office Breakdown! 22 Jumpstreet Scores! Dragon Flies High! Fault In Our Stars Tumbles!

Oh Susan,

The work of men is never done, the work of women is a constant struggle for life, heartbreak and dishonesty. We women must stand tall, stand strong, stand up for the life and temperament of all who have gone before us.

I have decided something Susan and that is, I am a feminist. A yearning in in insatiable loins has taught me that nothing in life comes for free. There’s a burning in them there loins, a burning… it’s unnatural.

Why do us women have to deal with the woes of yore the struggles of our forefathers have rung untrue and sad. We have made them our lifeblood and now I cut those ties, I stand up strong. I have decided to not let men enter me in the poop shoot. That’s it. I must contribute to the cause! We have only one life and I want to life it. I want to be just like Suddenly Susan, scaling mountains, feeding the needy and making sure those without sleeves on their shirts have sleeves.

I did a dance for you Suddenly Susan yesterday and your comrade in good Mike the Fanboy. I know your big moment is coming and I know you need some extra help. I stood in the middle of the town and had all the villagers rejoice for a good con for you. We danced in unison to the song I wrote for you and then Margo, who I refer to as Margo the woman who wears unnaturally synthetic clothing, said, “I don’t know this Suddenly Susan!” and I scolded her. I said, “Suddenly Susan and the bohunk Mike the Fanboy need us! They need our help for a good time in the dark land!” That got people pumped.

I took off my shirt like my native forefathers and I danced and danced and danced and when I couldn’t dance any longer I did it again, I let it all hang out, and the pastor of the town was amazed. I even heard someone in the town say, “Oh, now I want sausage.” I love a good sausage Susan. Moving mountains, one place, one day, one tree at a time. Oh…

I feel like this is your year, the year where you need to make it your own. Take your sword and vanquish the demons Susan. I’m gathering several pieces of livestock for a sacrifice, for you and Mike the Fanboy. I have decided that he is a wonderful human, and searches day and night for goodness. That Pinky, not sure about her. It seems like she needs a scrubbin’.

Where in the land is success, in the root. Yep, oh Susan, I have students now and am teaching a class in following your dreams. Molding the young ones is now something I need to do. Teach them the ways of the world and of course Suddenly Susan. Being an feminist icon and laughing a lot.
Don’t drink coffee… that blackness isn’t good for anyone.

Now, wait! I know what you’re thinking, oh… “Wanda, you fool. Mike the Fanboy will not like you and I don’t either, not when you act like a marauding fool. Shape up to shape minds. I am Suddenly Susan and I have the sword of truth. Make sure and kill that chicken.”

I feel you Susan, I hear you, and I need to write more. I have not gotten the teaches of Suddenly Susan down in song just right yet. I need that pop hit. I need the record deal. Oh… Woe is me, and woe on the world.
Friend Siebert said hello to me this week. It was a nice hello, but then the bugger shifted his eyes and I think he’s still mad I pleasured his father in the shower. Ah well. Not much I can do now? That’s what Suddenly Susan says. I’m sewing a tarp to cover the world in. I want to be protected from the rain.

Oh Susan, I stained my Poncho.

Why does darkness call to me. It’s a brown stain from the man pleasure. I didn’t slurp, oh…

I must go, the spies are out and they look at me. I’ve got you covered for the con Susan, dances, poems, chickens and much to do before you go into the world. Success is on your lips and heart. You need help. Wanda helps.

Toodles and Toshes!

Thanks Ryan for always pointing out when I’m wrong 🙂
And I agree, Channing looks like he road the short bus to school.

Wanda – please don’t KILL anything. I’m a vegetarian and animal rights supporter. No sacrifices for me please.

I absolutely loved it! Shailene Woodley deserves an Oscar nomination.