Jack Deals With Fake Pregnancies! Pushing Dealers! Classless Fans! Hair Pulling And More… Why? Trying To Meet Katy Perry… And Failing! Doh!

Man oh man… Now, I’ve had my fair share of negative Katy Perry experiences but this one… Wow… Jack just wrote in about his time with Katy after she taped a talk show appearance… And after reading it… I’m so glad I stayed home. lol… I don’t understand why people act like they are insane star fuckers when they see a celebrity. I get the “oh my God it’s….” That’s fine but to scream, to fight, to push, to shove to act batshit crazy. And honestly these people are usually what a celebrity would call a “real” fan. I mean really, it’s odd!

My True Blood experience this summer was like that. What does being at an event with a celebrity or celebrities make people feel so riled up. It’s strange. You have to read Jack’s article because it’s so awesomely sad… lol… Jack and I were actually in the trenches for the Katy Perry Grove signing last year and Lord knows how that turned out…

Check out this report from Jack after the jump!

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Days like this I want to drive away (“Part of Me”). Crazy California girls, children crying, teenage dreams and back alleys are not the way to start the week unless it means trying to meet Katy Perry.

It’s amazing how an hour can change everything. Over the course of 60 minutes, my plans drastically changed. Monday I learned pop sensation Katy Perry would be appearing on Jimmy Kimmel and I heavily debated if she was worth my time once again. Let’s just say “it brings back the memories” of a scary event (“Self Inflicted”).

My last meeting with her at the Grove was….well, a disaster. Her Grove “Meow” perfume event turned into an epic nightmare and was infamously covered by Mike . Reflecting back, it’s easily the worst autograph experience and “organized signing event” I have ever attended.

Even though I was reluctant at first I still contacted Mike to see if he would join the craziness that is Katy Perry’s fans. We exchanged a few emails and Mike decided The Savages premiere would be a more satisfying outing.

“This was never the way I planned” to attend my next Jimmy Kimmel event (“I Kissed A Girl”). My previous experience I struck out when I ventured out for Scarlett Johansson, who stiffed fans entirely, and Kristen Stewart, who was super fan friendly (I later found out). Since I had to leave directly from work I only had stuff for Scarlett (because I packed my car before work) and nothing for Kristen, who was a “last minute addition.” Instead this time I stopped home immediately after work and had a short window to pick up my items before taking off again.

As soon as I got off work at 4:30 I headed home and grabbed some magazines (a Vanity Fair, a Rolling Stone and a Maxim) as they were the easiest to locate quickly when I arrived at 5:00 p.m. Unable to find my “One of the Boys” CD and my Record Store Day vinyl I took off (my “Teenage Dream CD was signed at the Grove event), but managed to snag my “Meow” lanyard from the Grove event to possess something different before leaving. Still dressed in my suit (minus my black blazer), I headed down to Hollywood at 5:15p.m

5:55- Arrived at Jimmy Kimmel despite hitting traffic from Ventura County. The crowd seemed relatively small, especially for someone as famous as Katy. There are maybe about 50 people and I recognize a few autograph collectors. I’m in the third row and located in the heart of the barricade. I feel confident since I’m smack dab in the middle. There is a mom directly in front of me with her three kids, two of whom are under the age of 10, and are all part of the second row. Her little girl is the Kat Perry fan and they have been waiting since 3pm. Amongst this group is a nice diverse group of people. Soon I notice the majority of these people have sealed vinyl, CDs, and random magazine cut outs. Oh God! Please don’t let these novices get out of control and freak Katy out. I hope this crowd remains calm when she arrives.

6:00- The guy next to me has three photos he wants to get signed and is arguably the most annoying person ever. He continues to harass everyone surrounding him proclaiming his love for Katy Perry, even though he openly brags about selling her autograph if he obtains Katy’s autograph. Not only that, he obnoxiously answers his phone constantly screaming into it and you can awkwardly hear his entire conversation even if you’re 10 people away.

6:15- A rumor circulates that Katy Perry is not coming at all, which is started by a few autograph dealers behind me. Immediately, sensing an autograph tactic to weed out people I logged onto my Twitter checking Jimmy Kimmel and Katy Perry’s twitter accounts. There is nothing about a “cancellation,” only hundreds of tweets confirming her appearance. Still, some suckers scattered upon the dubious news.

6:30 – Now people are freaking out, whether or not Katy will actually show up and sign. Panic hits the group and I decide to stick it out for the long haul until I receive confirmation one way or another.

About 6:40ish -Alex Pettyfer arrives and I couldn’t believe what happened next. Literally, only three people called out for him in the softest, most regular, and non-shouting voices. Alex came over without hesitation.

Suddenly, the whole barricade went crazy. People started pushing and it’s like where did this come from? He graciously signed whatever was put in front of him and took pictures. In some cases, he personally took the photo including with the mom and kids in front of me.

After a few minutes he was off.

6:45- One of Katy Perry’s close friends, “Marcus” arrives and some of Katy’s younger fans are freaking out (Upon research it was jewelry designer Markus Molinari). Honestly, you thought they were meeting Katy Perry with how loud they were chanting (FOR REAL) his name. He even obliged several fans for pictures. Almost everyone agrees now, Katy is definitely going to arrive. I take this as a good sign. Still, I can’t believe people went bat shit crazy for Alex (even though they didn’t care if he came over) and for a jewelry designer. This is not looking good.

About 7:00ish a black SUV pulls into the alleyway from the opposite side and pulls up to the door. Within seconds, Katy Perry darts into Jimmy Kimmel and almost no believes we “saw her” arrive since hardly anyone saw her go inside. Some fans and dealers decide to cut their losses and take off. I decide to tough it out just in case she signs afterwards. More casual fans trickle in the alley and observe the spectacle of people waiting around a barricade. As the night progresses, musical guest The Offspring blast tunes that literally cause several car alarms to go off throughout the evening while playing their songs.

Around 8:10 Alex Pettyfer takes off and only one person yells out for him. Alex just walks towards his car. Now the barricade is several people deep. Most of the fence is now taken up with no open space at all. From the beginning of the fence to around the corner of the El Capitan, there are now a few hundred fans waiting. Suddenly, there are dozens upon dozens of dealers hovering over the area with several discussing The Savages premiere. Most are prepping their “autograph boards” containing multiple photos and in some cases, a few ask for tape.

At 8:20, Katy’s SUV is being pulled and is facing the opposite way towards Orange Ave, away from the barricade. We are all anticipating her exit. After a few minutes, the driver turns the car around and decides to face the barricade. Before I knew it, Bruce Springsteen and Manfred Mann were running through my mind because we were “blinded by the light!” Suddenly, there were outbursts of “F*** You” and people flipping the bird to the driver. I felt tempted, but considering there was a little girl directly in front of me I refused to join the crowd.

Around 8:30, the lights were turned off and now it was the waiting game. Having read numerous MTF autograph reports, this is almost always a great sign they would come out and sign. About a dozen minutes later, we wouldn’t know what would hit us.

8:50ish- All hell breaks loose. I feel like I’m “caught in the eye of a hurricane” (“Lost”). “Six feet under screams no one seems to hear a thing,” especially Katy unless her handler pointed you out (“Firework”). To say the crowd erupted into frenzy is a gross understatement. For the next several minutes Katy signed and posed for pictures. However, this event was absolutely absurd. Here is great breakdown of what happened

1) Katy signed along the fence first. Everyone along the fence arrived after Katy went inside and the majority of them maybe waited 45 minutes at the most. So basically, people who barely arrived and didn’t have “actual Katy Perry items” received autographs on various stuff. Sure there were some records, photos and memorabilia, but it was primarily a random hodge podge of items.

2) Katy loved skipping areas once she took a photo. So if someone received a photo they pushed and shoved people out of the way afterwards preventing people from getting items signed, even if everyone around them had stuff to get signed. Throughout the few minutes she met her fans, Katy was hot then cold about signing autographs. Almost always Katy skipped over your section if she took a picture or two, including mine after two interesting things.

3) A**hole dealers ruined it for everyone in the first few rows who were fans. I’m 6’4” and 220lbs. Despite my size I was bombarded with stuff hitting my head. I couldn’t believe these dipshit dealers started hitting me in the back of the head with their oversized white boards (containing several glossy photos). They were ridiculously aggressive even though they were more than five people back. These same pricks decide to slap my magazines out of my hand and cover them with their oversized boards even after they have there several autographs. Throughout the night I kept getting hit and completely passed over because of the aggressive dealers. Even worse they start crushing people, including the little girl in front of me, who was now adjacent to me. Pushing and shoving became intense, so much so people started telling lies.

4) Fake Pregnancies = NOT COOL. A woman in the front row in my section decided to lie and say she was pregnant when people were pushing behind. One douchebag, who only had a cheap camera phone, ruined it for our section single-handedly. Right when Katy Perry was about to start signing again in our area after taking a picture with the little girl in our area, “camera phone guy” literally pushed “fake pregnant woman” and nearly toppled the barricade. Security looked at the guy and our section pulling Katy Perry away from us. The girls who faked “pregnancies” got their autographs and afterwards were laughing about “faking a pregnancy” to meet Katy Perry. WTF? Not cool

5) If you don’t have anything to get signed and don’t want a picture, please get out of the barricade. There were way too many looky-loos in prime spots and some of them actually moved items away from Katy Perry so “they could get a better look at her.” No joke, I got my item held calmly in front of me, but was pushed away several times by these people. So I have looky-loos and autograph dealers messing with my stuff.

Even though I had my Maxim magazine out calmly and my ill-fated pink signing pass from The Grove, the people surrounding me (fake pregnancy girls, aggressive camera phone dude, and dipshit 5’5” autograph dealers with their large taped photo boards) convinced Katy Perry we didn’t deserve autographs. I honestly don’t blame her with how unruly most of the crowd was acting, but it does suck when you meet a group of celebrity-starved people. You could travel the world, but nothing comes close to the craziness of California girls. I saw hair pulling, scratching, pushing and yelling from these “young and local fans”
I could give you a hundred reasons why this event turned wild and crazy (“Circle The Drain”), but I still give credit to Katy Perry trying to accommodating her fans. After this event I realized something: Katy Perry treats her fans great. It’s her fans who treat her poorly. A calm collective group of fans would have received a better outing, but most ruined it for us. Sadly, the fence was calmer than the “real fans,” who waited hours.

The one positive I take is this: most of the autographs I saw were really poor (especially for the dealers) and worse than what I received at The Grove. Another thing, I’m not going to attend any other event with Katy Perry because her fans our classless, charlatans parading around as cute, calm adoring fans. Its people like them that put the emphasis of fanatic in fan. Even when I attempted to take photos people kept moving my hands thus “only blurry” Katy Perry photos.

Needless to say it has taken me several days to compose this. Not because I’m bitter (maybe a tad), but because I wanted to cut down how many curse words I would have written into this thing. Katy Perry, you will tempt me no longer for meet and greet opportunities. I guess I must be satisfied with my three autographs I already own. Hopefully, my third Kimmel visit is more successful. Until the next time, happy autograph hunting!