There’s Nothing Like The Novel Strumpet Scorned! Her New Book Review Of Kiss The Dead by Laurell K. Hamilton Is An Open Letter To Anita Blake… Oh Snap!

Ohhh The Novel Strumpet is back with a brand new review for you! This time… An open letter! To whom you may ask… Anita Blake that’s who! Yep, Strumpie had to get some things off her chest and she does it, let me tell you!

In her new review of of Kiss The Dead by Laurell K. Hamilton the Novel Strumpet pulls no punches… Oh yeah… There’s nothing like a Strumpet scorned!

Check it out after the jump!


Kiss the Dead (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter #21) by Laurell K Hamilton

Dear Anita,

It hurts to write this but I feel I must.

Jean Claude will never love anything/one more than Asher. The fact that Asher has nearly killed you and now tried to rip your lips off with his bare teeth should alert you to this fact. Not to mention that the only punishment Jean Claude can come up with is to exile Asher for a month? Stake them now and save yourself! You’ll survive, your triumvirate with Nathaniel and Damian will assure that, and the fact that you are the most powerful necromancer in centuries and that you carry every known strain of feline lycanthropy. I’m serious. Asher will destroy everything and Jean Claude will let him. I’ve loved Jean Claude from the beginning but it’s time to let go and admit that he’s not strong enough to rule the city let alone any council that may or may not form in America. At least not until he’s truly free of Asher and that doesn’t look like it will ever happen.

Secondly, what will you do if you give up being a Marshall? So much talk about how you’re tired of the violence, tired of being called the monster, etc. So what will you do? Be a full time Nimir-Raj? Be a full time human servant? Raise zombies for giggles? And who will take your place? Who will have Edward’s back? Who will keep people like Zebrowski from dying? I get you’re tired, but did you ever stop to wonder that maybe it’s not being the Marshall but the blow-up doll for nearly all of the St. Louis supernatural sector? I know people who work in the porn industry and soon no amount of kegel exercises will save…you know. Maybe spreading yourself too thin (literally) in that sector is the real issue and you’re just focusing on the Marshall stuff because you’re under the illusion that all this “love” makes you happy.

But who honestly loves you?

Jean Claude? No because we’ve established now that he’d let Asher kill or at least maim you. Micah? Anyone that agreeable is hiding something, I’m sorry but I still think you’re an idiot for trusting him. Nathaniel? He loves what you provide him – a sense of security and home – which, come to think of it is what Micah first came to you for along with the other cats. And do they really love you or is it just the lycanthropy inside you talking? We know Asher could care less because he’s incapable of loving anyone. Damian should hate you for the way he’s been treated but I guess he tolerates you. Jason loves you as a friend. Richard is almost as screwed up as Asher and only loves what he’d like you to be. I think maybe Edward because he’s the only one who will put a bullet through your head if you go too far down the rabbit hole. But I just don’t know.

laurell k hamilton kiss the dead book jacket cover anita blake series vampire hunter

And speaking of your wondering if you don’t like being a Marshall or the Executioner anymore…take a look at that list above. Name one of them who didn’t come to you because that is who you are. Who do you think will stick around if you walk away? Who would honestly still stand by your side if you no longer wanted to live by the sword, which is what protects them and yourself? And if you walked away who would have Edward’s back? Who would hunt down the rogue vampires popping up around St. Louis? Larry? Might as well kiss our asses goodbye now. Who would fight against the tyranny of other Masters like Damian’s for example? Or bad lycanthrope leaders like Chimera? Sometimes we are given strengths and weapons for a purpose, and though they might be hard burdens to bear, it is our duty to bear them. Because who else will?

Who else would’ve gone into that building of “Free Will” vampires, rescued a 15 year-old girl and kept it from turning into a blood bath? Well in the beginning anyway. Who else would’ve mentally and emotionally tortured that one vampire in order to get the information needed to save countless others? Who else would’ve walked with that SWAT team to the house and been able to pinpoint where the vampire who was about to kill his estranged family, through the concrete walls? Who else would’ve saved the men you ‘love’ in the same way when a bomber was ready to kill some of them? Who?

You seem to have forgotten who you are in the midst of being a slave to the arduer, because I’m sorry you are a slave to it. Some of that is your own fault for not believing in your own strength and building up your psychic/magic side to control it. You can do that, you are strong enough. When did you stop recognizing that? When you started thinking you had to rely on others. Don’t get me wrong, having friends/lovers/etc is wonderful but not if they make you weak. Then they are albatrosses around your neck. Love whomever and as many as you’d like – if that’s really even possible – but don’t let them keep you from remembering who you are. I know for someone who closed themselves off for so long that when you finally fall in love it becomes all consuming and blinds you to certain things, but it’s time you snap out of it.

And I’m sorry to say, it’s time you start shedding baggage. Emotionally, psychically and … physically. I mean some of these sexual partners have got to go.

I haven’t given up on you, so that probably makes me an enabler, but I can still see that spark that is Anita Blake in there. It doesn’t mean you have to be as unhappy as before or as angry, but you can’t go on the way you are now. This path is going to lead to destruction I can’t even begin to fathom.

I know this letter will be in vain. I know you don’t think there is a problem, because right now you can’t see the forest for the trees, but I’m writing it to you anyway because I can’t keep this in any longer. You’ve been a good friend to me for years and I can’t stand to watch friends do this to themselves without speaking up. And I’m not the only fan you have that feels this way. We don’t want to turn our backs on you, but it’s getting dangerously close to a time when we might have to because it might be the only way for you to recognize the problem. Consider this a letter from all your loyal fans who hurt at what you’ve been going through and want to help. We are fed up and angry and this path you’ve been going down, but we are still supportive and want you to survive.

If I could I’d be the bad guy for you. I’d cut the link to those who are drowning you, even if it meant killing them. I’d take on the burden of your wrath in order to save you even if I had to take you down to accomplish it. I’m not alone, there are other out here who’d do the same. Others who are willing to accept your hate if it means your salvation.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know.

mike the fanboy book reviewer the novel strumpet holding a cop of pride and prejudice

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