Red 2 Movie Premiere Report! Bruce Willis Is A Douche! But Mary Louise Parker Is Awesome! As Well As Helen Mirren! John Malkovich! Catherine Zeta-Jones! Autographs! Photos! And More!

Happy Mary Louise Parker week!

The second stop in my week long Mary Louise Parker adventure is the Red 2 premiere.

Now, as you all know, I love me some Mary Louise Parker. I was excited about the Red 2 premiere, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I know Bruce Willis is pretty much a douche and if you remember the first Red premiere… It was a disaster. Ugh…

This is a better venue, so hopefully we can get more people to come over. I’m not expecting much from Bruce Willis but I do need him on a couple things. It’s like Molly Ringwald, you go out not expecting them to be the jerks that they are but you still hope for the best.

3:41 p.m. – I just arrived and missed a whole bunch of craziness with spots and barricades etc… Lord. The Other Mike got spots towards the end of the barricade. Honestly, it’s not the best spot, but it’s okay.

4:01 p.m. – Scotty moved farther down the line and was nice enough to help me with Mary Louise Parker. I have stuff for everyone of course but you have to have priorities.

4:24 p.m. – The carpet is getting set up, it should start in a couple hours.

4:35 p.m. – DVD Dave and I have a bet… I say that John Malcovich won’t sign and he says that John will sign. We bet a dollar. It’s high mutha-Fuckin-rolla time. Look, I’m all gangsta!

4:56 p.m. – I brought a Red 2 mini poster and my stack of things for Mary Louise Parker as well as three for Bruce Willis. I know, I know. It’s like saying, “I’m bring out my collection of items for Natalie Portman!”

5:31 p.m. – Scotty is not feeling good about this premiere. I’m just like.. Eh… I’m not expecting much but you know… I guess we shall see right?

5:42 p.m. – The press are filing in. That means it’s getting closer. The Other Mike, DVD Dave and I all decide to get ice cream sandwiches. MMMMM ice cream. Damn that diet.

6:01 p.m. – A whole busload of people just filed in behind us. It was like they all got carted over here. It’s sort of odd.

6:21 p.m. – A car keeps circling around. Someone really wants to drop. LOL…

6:34 p.m. – Oh, and the first drop. Holy crap it’s John Malcovich!

He is talking to his publicist who looks shockingly like Tilda Swinton. They talk and John comes right on over.

Dammit, I lost my bet!

John literally signs one each down the line. he’s pretty cool.

John isn’t talkative but he does say nod and say hello. I got John on my Red 2 mini poster. That’s pretty cool!

6:44 p.m. – Next arrival. It’s Byung-hun Lee. We all yell and call for him.

He turns and wave and then goes right onto the carpet. Damn…

6:52 p.m. – Ohhhh There she is! It’s Mary Louise Parker! The Other Mike is doing a great job spotting tonight! Mary is adorable and sweet as usual. She comes right on over starting with The Other Mike and Signs and signs.

She tries to sign one each and signs my Weeds cast photo,

and then my Hedda Gabler promo card.

DVD Dave helps me get a flyer signed.

I’m of course gushing and gushing, I love me some Mary Louise Parker!

And I love that she’s so sweet! Swoon….

Mary Louise Parker goes all the way down the line and she signs my Weeds counter standee for Scotty as well.

6:58 p.m. – Oh shit, there’s Catherine Zeta-Jones! She’s coming over but is going the other way. Dammit… She signs for a bit and then heads back. We yell for Catherine Zeta-Jones and she comes back over and signs a few more but I miss her.

Dammit. She even looked at me and my 1999 magazine… Grumble.

6:59 p.m. – Cloris Leachman is dropping.

She is adorable as always and comes over to sign autographs.

7:04 p.m. – Cloris is adorable!

7:09 p.m. – Ah, there’s Helen Mirren! She is going right to the carpet but then talks to her people and comes over to sign. She is going really slowly however.

7:14 p.m. – Bruce Willis is dropping. Ahhhhhhh We yell for him and he says hi to Cloris and opens the door for his wife.

Bruce heads to the carpet with the assurance from his publicist that he will be back. Sigh…

7:16 p.m. – Helen Mirren is now signing for s and is super sweet as usual. I do love her! She signs my Red 2 mini poster as well.

7:18 p.m. – Bruce comes over and does his usual I’m going to stand here and stare at you, so you can gaze at me with wonderment. I mean, it takes a real piece of work to just stand there so people can look at you. Personally, all I thought was a) you really are a total dickwad and b) God, you got old.

I don’t expect much from Willis, I really don’t. He literally went down to the very end and let people stare at him. Looked people in the eye. One young girl wanted a photo with him and yelled, “Bruce, I love you.” His response? “I know.” Ugh…

THEN he comes back down and shakes people’s hands as opposed to signing. I’m like, in the time it took you to get this ego boost you could have signed for everyone. no instead he went down the line twice looking at people an shaking hands but refusing to even look at a sharpie. In fact, when he saw one he recoiled in horror. But he would shake the hands of 40 to 100 people who could have a wide variety of germs and disease. Interesting. Personally, He’s getting a rare Angry Theo for sure, but more than that. Willis… Here’s a tip… You’re past your prime, your movies are bombing (even the latest DieHard), and still you cling to the fact that you’re relevant. I liked a few movies you were in, not because of you, but because I like the movies. I like them in spite of you. You are the new Nicholas Cage.

I can’t think of any insult worse than that.

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After that debacle the always nice Neal McDonough ran over and signed. He signed my Red 2 poster and headed off.

Anthony Hopkins didn’t make it to this one.

I’m happy I got Mary Louise Parker, Helen Mirren, John Malkovich and Neal. Bummer about Catherine Zeta-Jones but there will be another time. Willis, you can suck it.

Until next time kids…