Written Revelry! The Novel Strumpet Discusses What Fine Noble Women Must Do When Walking Your Octopus! A Fantabulous Book Review!

The good lady Ms. Strumpie has decided to take a gander at a new tome titled, “Walking Your Octopus.” It really is a must for any noblewoman thinking of owning a sea creature as a pet… Such an ingenious idea if you ask me, however the mess is way more fuss than one person would realize.

Still, may I humbally suggest taking a gander at The Novel Strumpet’s newest Written Revelry after the jump!



Gentle Reader,

In this Age of Steam there are many things that puzzle me greatly: Why are we obsessed with things that run on vapor, which can wreak terrible havoc on one’s coiffure? Why do scientists insist on studying this “aether”? It seems quite unstable and probably best not tampered with. What is the to do with Mr. Tesla’s coil? I do not think man was meant to use lightening to illuminate our homes. Gas is much safer, or perhaps Mr. Edison’s bulb. Why has it become shockingly accepted for a lady to wear her corset outside in plain view rather than under her clothing? I blame the French – decidedly loose in their morals. Why is there a sudden desire to own cephalopods and place them on everything? Such odd creatures with eight tentacled legs – not covered, which I consider to be most indecent.

Alas, I do not have the answer for most of these vexing problems, but it appears that one of societies eccentric – ahem – ladies has taken it upon herself to write and publish (women are very forward these days) a manual for the caring of these creatures with the peculiar title:

“Walking Your Octopus”

Walking Your Octopus book cover rare

As if decent people should be seen in public with these bare legged beings.

The “lady” in question is Victoria Prismall and her cephalopodic counterpart is Otto. Shockingly German name, perhaps she is a fan of Her Majesty’s beloved Prince Consort, Albert.

This manual takes one through the steps of not only choosing your sea species, it even has suggestions on activities and housetraining. I think a far more useful manual would be on how to get the ink stains out of your good upholstery. She even mentions courtship and one’s personal ablutions! Tsk – definitely the influence of the French and possibly the Italians.

If one must go and acquire one of these briny beings, then I would recommend – regardless of my feelings on her status in society – the acquirement of this manual.

Post Script:

I should mention that Ms. Prismall has forgone the new craze of photography (I’m still unsure on the safety of this contraption) and has commissioned artist Brian Kesinger to illustrate her tome. Which is the only respectable thing about this piece of literature. I had the honor of meeting Mr. Kesinger at a recent gathering held outdoors. Thankfully tents were provided to save delicate porcelain skin. He was one of the amusements of the afternoon and did a drawing of my humble self:

Walking Your Octopus book cover rare

Quite droll.

Or if you are one of those people inclined toward this fascination with machinery you might be able to get your hands on one of his illustrations about mechanical beasts made from different engineering viscera lying around:

steampunk transformer drawing rare Walking Your Octopus book cover rare

Either way, if you do not pick up “Walking Your Octopus” because you are in the market for a gelatinous sea spider, then please purchase one for the express purpose of enjoying Mr. Kesinger’s charming illustrations.

It was with great pleasure this humble letter writer attained one with Mr. Kesinger’s autograph.

Brian Kessinger signed walking your octopus book rare promo

Ever Your Friend in all things Literary,

Lady Alicia W_________,

Or as my editor calls me – The Novel Strumpet.

Most unseemly.

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Comments (1)
  1. Scarlet Starlet July 3, 2013

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